The Reason For Living
by YourDamnedAddict
Summary: In one world exists a famous, though depressed musician, struggling to go on. In another, lies a gifted fashion designer, fighting to be known. When their worlds collide, will they learn that love conquers all? Or will their worlds collapse altogether?


The Reason For Living

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or its characters. Never have, never will. Sad, isn't it? Oh, well…**_

_**I also don't own any songs that are used in this fan fiction. But, oh do I wish…**_

* * *

_A/N: Hey, you guys. Hope you enjoy this. It came to me during one of those watch-everything-you-ever-recorded-on-your-DVR marathons. If you guys think I shouldn't continue with this, feel free to voice out your opinion. But for now, I'm just going to keep typing away…_

_Oh yeah, please leave a review since they do help me learn all your preferences and opinions. Thanks!_

* * *

**Chapter 1 – In The Beginning**

_BPOV_

"THANK YOU, SAN DIEGO, FOR LETTING US BE HERE TONIGHT!!! Before she goes, Bella would like to perform her newest song. So without further ado, here she is! ISABELLA SWAN!!!" my older sister Rosalie screams into the mic, getting the thousands of people in the audience hyped up. Why does she insist on using my full name? Oh yeah, because it's more "professional".

_Here I go…again_, thoughts ran through my head of possibly ditching the concert and heading towards my new 2010 Kawasaki Ninja ZX-14 MONSTER ENERGY motorcycle out back. Away from the screaming fans. Three years and I'm still not used to all the paparazzi. But if I do have the guts to ditch, Rose would track me down and forcibly hit my head…repeatedly. I _so_ need to get her a boyfriend. When I'm not being diagnosed, that is.

_God, I can be so lame…_

Anyway, let's get this over with so we can get back on to the tour bus and start making our way towards my idea of paradise. And what, you ask, could be better than hotels, celebrities, and endless partying? The answer is Forks, Washington.

Ahh, Forks. Cloudy, never-ending rain, gloominess, and best of all, no fans. Rose and Edward always say that if there was a heaven, this would be it. But they are sadly mistaken. There's only one thing I want. God, I wish I had someone to lo-

"BELLA?! Hello! Anyone in there? Come on! Everyone's waiting!" my panicked little brother by 5 minutes Edward screeched as he annoyingly waived his hands in front of my face like he was having a weird backstage seizure. I swear, even though we were twins, people could mistake _him_ for the hospitalized one.

"God, Edward! Relax! I'm going, I'm going!" I muttered while simultaneously rolling my eyes and making my way towards the stage.

A plus of being insanely, redonkulously famous was the endless amounts of free clothing I get just so the head snobs of every fashion industry can publicize their clothing lines. Before fame, I was just a normal teenager wearing skinny jeans and a T-shirt, but here…well, it's a little over the top. For this last number, I'm currently decked out in high-knee red converse, black cargo shorts, a red shirt, and a black pinstripe hooded vest. In my opinion, I looked pretty hot. But yeah, I'm always in need of a little self-esteem.

I wish there was at least one honest person in this world besides Rose and Edward. Maybe even someone who will get me on a level that even Rose and Ed can't. But then again, why bother to wish? No one can figure out the twisted secrets hidden in my supposedly depressed mind.

Alright, enough distractions, just one more song and then one blissful month of solitude and serious alone time.

"Ready, Bells? Don't worry. After this, all of us will have a nice break. Promise," Edward says as he crosses his fingers over his heart like those little school kids while emerald green eyes stare back at my dull brown ones. Aww, he really deserves to have someone to love. Unlike me…

"Don't worry yourself, bro. After this, it'll be just be you, me, Rose, Esme and a well deserved rest during Spring Break over at Forks," I smile while placing my hands on his shoulder while reassuring him with thoughts of all of us and our mom. Sadly, no dad.

The jackass, although Esme insists I actually call him by his name, James, was such a moron to our family. Sometimes when I'm down, ha yeah which is pretty much always, lie awake at night and wonder what the hell Esme saw in…James. Yeah…jackass works wayyy better, maybe even Dr. Douche Bag.

No offense to doctors. I've been in the hospital pretty much since the day I was born. Bruises, sprained ankles, and broken arms/legs/etc. You get the picture. I can be pretty clumsy, and as soon as I walk on a flat surface. BAM! I get sent to the nearest ER for the works.

Anyway, the douche bag left us when Rosalie was 6 and Ed and I were 5 going on 6. The worse part was…it was the day of our birthday party.

* * *

**~Flashback~**

"Hey, sweeties. You two ready to blow out your candles? After the cake, we can open the presents! Guess who's getting what they wanted?" Esme teasingly asked Edward and I while holding one of those expensive-looking cameras and pointing towards the, in our opinion, ginormous stack of presents near the fireplace.

Two wrapped presents looked very much like new bikes, but then again I couldn't tell since there were dozens of people surrounding Edward and I as we were in front of our own separate cakes. Yeah, we got two cakes every year because we were special like that.

"Are you guys ready? Daddy needs to go out and get a drink," the douche bag himself said with an almost annoyed look on his face while having his keys in his hand and practically hopping on the spot, anxious to get to the nearest bar and drown himself in beer.

"Shhh, Jamesy Poo. Let them have there fun and later you can have your fun with all your little friends," Esme said through clenched teeth as she tried to control her emotions over her hubby acting like such a jerk towards his children.

"I'm sorry, Essykins. So anyway," Dr. Douche said in an almost mocking tone as he whirled around to face us with a seriously aggravated look on his face, "come on, kids, blow out your candles!"

James hustled us over to our cakes while yelling really loudly so everyone could here, "Ready? One, two three…"

-------

SLAM!

"Huh? What's going on?" asked a very disgruntled Edward as he stared down at me from our bunk bed.

"I-I don't know," I answered almost scared to know what was happening. Staring at the clock I saw it was….2 AM?! Who could be coming through our door at two o'clock in the morning?! Especially after we just had our birthday party! Well, I guess we're going to find out.

Suddenly I heard doors slamming and drawers being opened and the sound of… hysterical crying? Wait…Is that Esme?!

"Come on, Edward. We need to help Mom!" I whispered to my brother while sneaking out of our room in my pajamas with him following behind.

Down the hall we stop the open door of Rose's room to find her sitting alert on her bed with a confused expression on her exhausted face.

"Shhh! Don't think, just follow," I whispered to her while continuing our Pink Panther style walk towards our parents' room at the end of the hall. If the mood wasn't so serious, I would have seriously thought about humming the Pink Panther or Mission Impossible theme song.

As soon as we got to their door, all of us hid behind it and peeked inside to find the room a gigantic mess with an obviously drunk James stumbling around with crumpled wads of his clothing in one hand and, of course, a beer bottle in the other. Following him around as he packed his stuff in an open duffel bag on the bed was Esme, crying and a disheveled heap as she begged for him to stay.

"Please, James?! Don't leave us! The kids are so young and I can't raise them all by myself without you!"

"The HELL you can't, woman! Whiles you stayes here and be all weepy, ima gonna goes to Las Vegas and get me some real womens! With bigger boobs, too!" James bellowed while stumbling around to finish packing his bag.

"Please! I-I can't do this alone! We have 3 kids and I don't want them growing up without a father!" wept a frantic Esme, ignoring the previous comment about her chest.

"SHUT UP, YOU WHORE!!!" James screamed, probably because all her loud weeping was starting to affect his drunkenness, and proceeded to throw his empty beer bottle at the wall. He, then, grabbed his duffel, threw it over his shoulder, and stumbled to the door.

Luckily, the 3 of us crawled backwards fast enough that he didn't step on us on his way downstairs towards the front entrance with Esme following, but only half-heartedly.

After kicking the front door open, breaking it off its hinges, he said one last thing before leaving us behind:

"You'll never make it without me."

Then he made his way towards his truck and threw the duffel bag in while muttering a string of profanities that weren't needed since it wasn't his problem anymore. After that, he jumped in his truck and drove off in a heap of smoke.

Esme was left leaning against the threshold for support while crying her eyes out. All of us knowingly made our way towards her and enveloped her in a hug, whispering words of comfort. Secretly, all of us vowed to prove him wrong. We didn't need him, not now, not ever.

* * *

Suddenly coming out of my stupor, I gazed back at Edward with a fake smile on my face.

"Yeah, bro. We'll be fine."

"What are you talking about, Bells? Ugh, never mind. Anyway, come on!! Get on stage and show them what you got!!" said Edward proudly as he pushed me onto the stage while making sure to step back behind the curtain so he wouldn't be seen by all the millions of girls who would be dying to go out on a date with him.

Oh yeah, I'm doing a concert right now. My bad…Anyway, time for my finale. Even though I can play almost every instrument imaginable, I still love to play my guitar and piano the most. They speak to me in ways that no one else can. I can make music with them. But then again, you can do that with people, too.

"HELLO, SAN DIEGO!!! I have just one more song for y'all. It's called _Welcome To My Life_. Hope you guys like it."

I took one breath and began strumming the first chords:

_**Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you  
Do you ever wanna runaway?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming**_

At that moment, my mind gets pulled back to the aching memories of being alone. When James left us and Esme acted like an oblivious robot half the time… Sometimes I would just run upstairs and hide in my closet until Edward would find me and sit next to me until it was bedtime.

_**No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me**__  
_

**_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life_**

Soon, during the beginning of high school, which ultimately became my last since I became famous during the end of freshman year, I couldn't take it anymore. Esme was better; she moved on and we were fine since she was big in the fashion business. But whenever I closed my eyes, I pictured James, and how, when he was still with us, he would drag me upstairs to his room when no one was at home except for me and him, lock the door, and proceed to rape me. Over and over again.  
_**  
Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more?  
Before your life is over  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside you're bleeding**_

**_No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_**

No one knew what was happening to me. I wouldn't let them. I kept it a secret. No one knew, not Rose, not Esme, not even Edward even though I felt closest to him.

It would hurt too much to tell them. It would bring back memories. Unwanted memories.  
**  
**_**To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life**_

**_No one ever lied straight to your face  
No one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
Never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like, what it's like_**

I lied to my family. But I did it out of love. If they ever found out… I don't even want to know what would happen. The last time something tragic happened, when James left, it took years to get everything remotely close to how it was before. I swore that we would get on without him. I swore…  
**  
**_**To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)  
**_

If they only knew what it was like. It might ease the pain a little. Only by a little, though. But it's okay; just as long as everyone is safe and happy-ish, I can deal. Everyone just ignores the past now, but it's better this way.

_**To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life**_

As I sang the last words, a tear fell from my eyes, but my bangs brushed it away before either of my siblings saw it. Once my back-up band finished playing, the crowd erupted in cheers.

"THANKS AGAIN FOR LETTING US PERFORM HERE TONIGHT!!! GOODNIGHT!!!" I screamed into the microphone one last time as the strobe lights and spotlights go off leaving the arena pitch black except for the long row of yellow lights installed into the floor leading towards the exit. As my siblings and I were led by bodyguards towards our bus, I pushed back the horrible recollections to the back of my mind, where they would hopefully stay forever.

* * *

_Later That Night…_

"Finally!" Rosalie huffed as she collapsed onto her bunk in the tour bus, "you know, if you weren't my favorite and best sister, I would _soo_ be at the nearest club dancing the night away."

While Edward lie smirking on his bunk above hers, I walked into the sleeping section of the bus after undressing and changing into sweats and a tee from the walk-in closet near the front the bus.

"Okay, first of all, I'm your _only_ sister, Rose, and second, you know you love the fan guys falling all over you and the endless quantities of free stuff you get from this," I stated matter-of-factly while plopping on my bunk next to hers and throwing a pillow over my head trying to block out the depressed thoughts.

"Yeah, I know. God, I love you guys," Rosalie sighed as she drifted to sleep along with Edward.

"Yeah, love you, too," I answered, even though she was probably already in dreamland.

Soon, all this will be over…

* * *

Here's a summary of my life.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan. I have 2 siblings, Rosalie and Edward, and a single mom, Esme. I am a famous singer who has traveled all over the world with my brother and sister at my side and a loving mom waiting for us in our hometown, Forks. I have risen from the raping and physically abusive mess that was my childhood to become the hottest, most talented 17 year old in the world. I've got it all.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that I am also diagnosed as depressed and possibly suicidal?

But hey, welcome to my life.

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_A/N: Hey again, you guys. Hope you enjoyed this first chapter. Sorry if it was too depressing or anything, but it __**was**__ meant to be that way. Things will get better, promise! Anyway, write a review and tell me what you think! Laters…_


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